I accidentally burped into my bong.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
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