around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
