Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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