I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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