You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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