Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
