Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I love how my cats smell like pot.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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