you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
