he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
