I just saw a hot homeless man
my being single is dangerous.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Alive.
So much puke
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
