i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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