I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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