I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
