Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
