My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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