I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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