No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize