Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Is it penis luge time yet?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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