Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
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