Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
