i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
