Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
