3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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