i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
