Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
PANTIES FOUND
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
