I got chris browned last night
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
