let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
