he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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