Someone shit on the floor
he told me I talked like a deaf person
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Houston, we have a blender
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
