Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Randomize
