Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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