Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
