before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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