how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize