Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
