Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
