You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
