Its about making memories worth repressing
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
