I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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