You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
