she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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