Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
