Where did you get a picture of my penis
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
