forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
