She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
