The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
