I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I made him laugh his dick is mine
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
