respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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