Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
