well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The beer is more important than you right now.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
