I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
