I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
