Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
false alarm. still invincible.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
