I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
