maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
