i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
