peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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