so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
