Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
