i would punch a child for taco bell
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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