made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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