Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize