So many bounce houses so little time
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
