Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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