Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
