Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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